1. What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
   One has claws at the end of its paws. The other is a pause at the end of a clause.
2. Why do geographers find mountains so funny?
   Because they’re hill areas.
3. What pencil did Shakespeare write with?
   2B.
4. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
   At the bottom.
5. Who invented fractions?
   Henry the 1/4th.
6. What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
   I don’t know, I wasn’t invited!
7. What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?
   Summer!
8. Why does the principal keep talking to me about having more “arty eye” (RTI)? I teach reading, not art.
9. Teacher: Craig, you know you can’t sleep in my class.
   Craig: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
10. Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.
11. Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
    Pupil: Life imprisonment!
12. Pupil: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test!
    Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!
13. Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.
14. Where do door-makers get their education?
    The school of hard knocks.
15. Teacher: Why have you got cotton in your ears? Do you have an infection?
    Pupil: Well, you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other, so I am trying to keep them it all in!
16. Kid comes home from first day at school. Mom asks, “What did you learn today?” Kid replies, “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”
17. Pupil: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
    Teacher: Of course not.
    Pupil: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
18. There is one person in our district who is all about “No Child Left Behind.”
    Who’s that?
    The bus driver.
19. What kinds of tests do they give witches?
    Hex-aminations.
20. Teacher: You copied from Fred’s exam paper, didn’t you?
    Pupil: How did you know?
    Teacher: Fred’s paper says “I don’t know” and you put, “Me neither!”

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